They key to writing it realistically is research.
Abuse can come in many forms and sometimes the victim is unaware that they are being abused (with the exception of physical abuse, in which they may be in denial anyway). If you want it to be subtle, you can start with emotional abuse and controlling behaviors, as that’s how physical abuse often starts out.
Physical abuse is not just visible injuries (like bruises). It can be shoving, pushing, and other physical acts that don’t leave a lasting mark. It could even be starving someone, dehydrating them, and any other way that strains physical endurance for the sake of controlling the victim.
Again, abuse starts out small and it builds up. It’s hard for the victim to walk away, even in the beginning, because they probably care about their abuser too much to completely cut them off over something that seems innocent. One common form of early abuse among heterosexual relationships is the male making suggestions to what the female should wear. This then turns into the male saying they don’t like certain outfits, hairstyles, or makeup. Then it turns into the male getting angry when the female does not look the way he prefers and that leads to emotional abuse. I’ve actually seen this happen a few times and I’ve heard more stories about it.
If the abuse in your story gets to the point where the victim needs to go to the hospital, they’re probably going to lie about what happened. I know you probably see this in movies all the time, but that’s because it happens. In the US, if you harm someone to the point where they end up in a hospital, you get in trouble. Victims are again conflicted with this because they may still care about their abuser and not want to get them in trouble, may be in denial about the abuse, or may be afraid of more abuse if they turn in their abuser.
So if you want the domestic abuse to be subtle, write about the start of an abusive relationship. This does not have to be at the beginning of the relationship, but writing it this way will make it less noticeable to the reader unless the reader is actively looking for it.
I also have this post on survivors of domestic abuse, if that helps.
More:
- Domestic Violence Experiences
- Writing Realistic Violence (not abuse-centric, but still useful)
- Domestic Violence Statistics
- Domestic Violence and Abuse
- Domestic Violence (relevant links are on the right side of the page)
- Domestic Violence: Statistics and Facts
- Domestic Violence Facts
- Domestic Violence Statistics
